b**#$

i was tired, hot and grouchy during cg yesterday. none of anything went into my head. all i could think of was when will it end? they had a birthday cake for one of the cg girl and when they were giving out the cake and asked me if i want a piece, i said no and the very nice girl who offered me said something like what if baby wants? i simply stared at her and said, i'm very sure he doesn't want cake, gave a tight smile and walked away. i felt like a b**#$. and then i rudely told my husband off when he asked me to get a piece of cake for him. double b**#$.

back home, i suddenly felt very guilty and remorseful for my awful behaviour and i apologised to him. the condemnation sets in but even more so, thoughts of righteousness reigned over. i felt lighter and told my husband about how i'm not going to be that awful person again.

but it can be difficult when you're tired all the time now and all you want to do is sleep. just sleep.